We all carry
stories in our heads, stories about what’s ok and what isn’t , about who we are
and who other people are, who we want to hang out with and who we definitely
don’t. Such stories are powerful drivers of our behaviour and they have
consequences.
Lena and
everyone around her often spoke out loud about how “lucky” she was to have a
“smooth life”, physically active and healthy, blessed with a close loving
family and friends. Now undergoing the
huge expense of treatment with the best drugs available, paid for by her
spouse, she puts on a brave face and pretends
she is getting better.
Pei San echoed
similar “normal” scenes in her life in the past. Fast forward one year and Pei
San tries to be honest about her situation with loved ones but she finds no one
will listen and feels hurt and alone. No wonder her forehead is furrowed, her
shoulders stiff and her breathing shallow.
Janet was
happily married, so she thought, but after a visit to the doctor, that all
changed and her husband left her, unable to cope with the news. In her case she
was actually physically abandoned and
unsupported.
Can you
imagine being diagnosed with a life-threatening disease and being shunned by
everyone you thought were your nearest and dearest because they can’t handle your situation?
And then you start to expect to be shunned and begin to close up, stuffing all
your fears down inside.
One day you
are loved and the next shunned. One day you are considerd “normal” the
next, a “cancer patient” . The only
thing that has changed is the story in Janet’s husband’s head, the story picked up somewhere that says “I can’t deal
with this” so it is best I pretend that everything is OK, stay
away and/or leave.
Lena, Pei
San and Janet , each shared and then released their huge weight of emotions
openly and honestly with a group of other cancer survivors. I felt humbled and honoured to be present, to
have learnt the skills that enables me to create a safe space in which they can feel listened to and understood.
So what?
Well what shocked me was that each of them in turn said that they had never ever been able to tell anyone the
honest and emotional stories they had shared that day. Here was I, a weird orang puteh whom they had
never met before and yet they opened up.
And a few
years ago, I might have been one of those people who shunned them because of
the story in my head about my fear of disease, pain and death. Now I know that I can change the story in my
head and listen neutrally to someone who needs to share their pain without
needing to “fix” anything. That in
itself can make all the difference!
If you are
curious as to how you too can benefit from listening neutrally to others with
cancer /in distress or who are just very irritatingly different from you, sign up for a Free Clean online taster session to experience
this for yourself!
NB: AMKT facilitates regular community “Laughing and Relaxing” workshops for cancer survivors, in
partnership with Cancer support organisations like NCSM. Participants
experience being listened to in a safe space and learn skills to release their fears,
relax and laugh even though they have
cancer.
